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Should’s, Ought’s and Gremlins

You have to do this.
I must complete this assignment. You have to eat a good breakfast. We have to finish the project before Thursday. Is it the right way to do act? Is this the correct way to write an article? What should you do?

UUUUGGGHHHH!!! So many should’s, ought to’s, have to’s…
TOO MANY! How many of you allow one or more of these restrictive language violations rule your days? How many allow them to rule your life? That’s right, allow them to rule you, because you know, it is your choice.

What I’m referring to here are 3 things.
The first, that you have a choice, a conscious choice to choose over and over again how you will act, how you will feel, how and what you choose to think about. The second two things are the language violation patterns better known in the NLP world as Modal Operator’s of Necessity and Lost Performatives.

Over and over and over again… my theme in talking and writing is YOU HAVE CHOICES!
And in those choices, you choose the life you are living, every moment, of every hour, of every day! Knowing that you have this choice, what do you want to do? Are you living the life you truly want?

Client after client reveal to me the should’s, have to’s, and the need to’s in their life.
In coaching, these are referred to as “Gremlins” (see Rick Carson’s book, Taming Your Gremlins). Sometimes they are useful, sometimes they are not! Do you know? Are yours useful? Read on and learn!

I encourage all of you, list the “necessities” you tell yourself, list the “goods and bads, the should’s and ought to’s” that you believe or hear in your mind.
Now, ask yourself: What would happen if I didn’t? What would occur if I didn’t? or Who says it is right? Who believes this to be true? Then ask yourself, what do I really want? (If you have some challenges with this question, see the next article, revisit past issues, or contact me!) Too many people allow these notions of right and wrong, should and shouldn’t to rule and thus limit their life. I am not suggesting that they are all unproductive. What I am suggesting is listen to them, examine them and make the conscious choice to live the kind of life you truly want!